by Mister Victor
Ofttimes, as writers disastrously know, what comes out of our pens and pencils and laptops is not necessarily the next great novel, or epic,..............or even a verse that could win a third grade elementary school writing contest.
As such moments, writers will forswear writing as a great evil that only the most idiotic of fools would pursue. And for those times, the following is written.
Dear Written Pieces,
Hope you and your family of nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs are doing well, as well as your extended family of pronouns, prepositions and interjections!
I’m writing to you today to tell you that I am breaking up with you. I know we have had a long run together….starting from our time in first grade when I had such a crush on you, tracing out the letters of the alphabet that makes you up.
I think of our treasured school years as we grew up together from crafting simple sentences to arranging complex paragraphs. And the earnest and passionate poetry we would create together late at night, expressing our deep high school infatuations, which we never let anyone else read.
And who can forget our escapade with the thesis in college. I was sure I would never be able to slog through it, but you supplied the words when I needed them most. And not only did we complete it on time, but we actually graduated too.
But then things turned, during that cold, wintry autumn…..as I decided to write my first novel. You insisted that I write about what we knew; that I should trust the language we normally use, tell a story we were familiar with……write about something that was ours to tell together.
But, no, I strayed, I was bigger than just us. I was going to show the world out there, and you too, Written Pieces, that I could write whatever I wanted to. And so I wrote an epic,….an epic using big words, superincumbent sentences, obscure phraseology, and arcane allusions…..a veritable panoply of wit, wordplay and repartee…….
Well, we all know where that ended up…………No. 10,789,426 on the Amazon Best Seller List.
So, I’m breaking up with you because right now, I am too proud accept my failure and come crawling back to you. You were right, and I was wrong……a simple statement, but not simple to swallow.
Your Heavy-hearted Paramour
p.s. Probably after a gallon of Häagen-Dazs ice cream, and a few bottles of wine, I’ll be better,…………so even though I jilted you, my lifetime lover,…please don’t completely abandon me yet……our story has yet to be written……